Clem's Corner

An empty beer bottle walked into the club, Harata gave him a close look and said “Do I know you?”

“I don’t think so” said the empty beer bottle a little guiltily.

“Yes I do” said Harata “You were drunk in here last night”

YoYo walked into the club and ordered a beer, he saw a few of the pressies standing around a leaner yelling out numbers and roaring with laughter so he went over and asked Hapuka what was going on.

Hapuka told him that Softie and Ocker were telling jokes but everyone had heard them so many times they had given them numbers and instead of retelling them they were just yelling out their numbers instead.

YoYo thought that was pretty cool so he gave it a try yelling out “27” but nobody laughed.

Hapuka looked at him sadly and said “Don’t worry bro, some people can tell a joke and some people can’t”

A Skunk walked into the club, took a look around and said "Hey where did everybody go?"

A duck walked into the club, went straight up to the bar and ordered a beer.

Kel, who was sitting in his usual spot, gave the duck a real close look and then said to him - "hey buddy your pants are down"

A new Falcons player walked into the club after training and noticed the boys standing around a large jar filled to the brim with $10 bills. The new guy says to Kroony, "What's up with the jar?"

"Well” says Kroony “it’s a little challenge we’ve got going, you pay $10, and if you pass three tests, you get all the money."

"What are the three tests?" asks the newbie

"Gotta pay first." says Kroony. So the new guy gets out $10 and adds it to the jar.

"OK, here's what you have to do. First, you have to drink a whole bottle of pepper tequila -- the WHOLE thing at once -- and you can't make a face while doing it. Second, there's a pit bull chained up out back with a sore tooth. You have to remove the tooth with your bare hands. Third, there is a 90-year-old woman upstairs who's never had an orgasm in her life. You gotta make things right for her."

"Well, I know I've paid my $10 bucks," says the newbie, "but I'm not an idiot. No wonder you've collected so much money -- that's impossible!"

The new guy then proceeds to drink several whiskeys, and eventually, he gets up his nerve.

"Wherez zat teeqeelah?" he slurs.

He grabs the bottle of pepper tequila with both hands and downs it, gulp by gulp. Tears are streaming down his cheeks, but he doesn't make a face. Next, he staggers out back. Everyone in the bar hears a huge scuffle outside -- barking, yelping, growling, then silence.

Just when they think he must be dead, he staggers back into the bar with his shirt ripped and gashes across his body.

"NOW," he says, "wherez at ol' lady with the sore tooth?"

3 Pressies walked into the club, well it doesn’t have to be 3 Pressies, could be 5 or 10 Pressies.

Let’s say a team of Pressies walked into the club – how about the Pterodactyls?

OK here we go – the Pterodactyls walked into the club… well it doesn’t have to be just the Pterodactyls, could be the Waitemata Winos as well… but why stop there? How about we go with all the Pressie teams in Auckland walked into the club.

I know what people are going to say now – damn Jaffa’s what about the rest of us? Look I don’t want to be exclusive here so let’s say all the Pressie teams in the North Island walk into the club….

What’s that? The South Island? Come on now let's not be silly – do they have the internet down there? Are any of them going to see this joke? Can they even read?

All right, all right I don’t want to offend anyone so we’ll go with this – all the Pressie teams in New Zealand walked into the club.

The first man in went straight up to the bar and said to Harata “this round's on me….”

What an idiot!